Africa’s World Cup has been full of action with many interesting facets of the game coming into the spotlight. The success of an initially unheralded German side has been one such story, attached to which is the now famous psychic octopus, Paul. To date Paul has predicted every German outcome correctly including their shock group stage loss to Serbia.
TheBounce managed to get an exclusive interview with Paul by means of placing our URL into a box in his tank. The other boxes vying for Paul’s attention were 3talk with Noleen and the SABC World Cup experts panel, we were honoured that he chose us.
TheBounce: Guten Tag Paul, great to have you on TheBounce. Just curious though, what made you choose us for your first big interview.
Paul the octopus: You can drop the German pleasantries, I’m from South London – Peckham to be exact. I came over for Oktoberfest last year and got so drunk I ended up in a tank and have been here ever since. TheBounce, well it was a natural choice really, that Noleen would be a complete waste of time as she would subject me to phone-ins from her feeble audience of fat housewives and drunk domestic workers, and then the SABC World Cup team, what is the deal with their hosts? I have come across some bottom feeders in my time, but those guys – WTF?
TheBounce: Well, we are honoured and certainly won’t argue with your reasoning. So where did it all start for you with your predictions?
Paul the octopus: As I was saying earlier, last year at Oktoberfest I was looking for a place to take a piss after the beer halls closed, so I went into this classy restaurant and ended up passing out in a tank there. I woke up to find that some prick had fastened the lid shut so I was stuck there. I couldn’t call my mates as I had lost my cell phone earlier in the day while motor boating this busty German chick so I was pretty much stranded.
I was bored shitless, I was stuck in this tank with nothing but two rocks for company. The only excitement I had was when Heinz the sushi chef would try catch me. I stole his fake Rolex on the first day, sprained his thumb the day after that, then I cut his chin on the third day when I yanked him into the tank. Boy was he pissed off, but he realized he wasn’t going to catch me so he just let me be. So I looked around for other things to pass the time. Biggest attraction was watching this shifty Polish guy who came in every night. I don’t know what he did for a living but he was a real flash git, used to bring a different girl in each time with what seemed for the sole purpose of getting them to give him a gob job under the table. He was a sleaze ball of note who played the same routine every time. He would have the same table, get the waiters to play the same game to make him look like a big deal and then he would drop the question. Sometimes his routine worked, sometimes it didn’t, so I started to predict if these girls would go under the table or not. If I crawled onto the left rock they (the girls) would be speaking into the mic before main course was served, and if I crawled onto the right rock he was moments away from being slapped in the face and taking home a doggy bag…
TheBounce: Ha ha, and you always got it right?
Paul the octopus: For sure, every time – never failed. Heinz the sushi chef, the dodgy Jap I mentioned early (his name didn’t fool anyone), caught on to it and started taking bets with the waiters. Prick made over a thousand Euros off me. From there my talent became well known and then I landed the football gig.
TheBounce: What a great story, did you have a passion for football from the beginning that helped you really excel in your new job?
Paul: Not really, sure I like football but I’m more a fan of picking winners. Used to bet on the horses quite a bit but all the cash I was making went to my head. Try being an octopus with a recreational drug problem, you don’t even want to know what I have attached my tentacles to in the past…
TheBounce: I’m sure, moving on then. What is it about Germany that you think is so good? Can you take us through what made you choose them so far.
Paul: I watched a fair amount of Bundesleague this year and just liked the look of the players; good attitudes, very talented and all capable of playing with great cohesion. With regards to the games, well first game, no brainer. Australia may be good at buggering sheep, playing cricket and boasting some seriously talented beer drinkers, but a football nation they are not. Against Serbia Germany were always going to lose as Bastian Schweinsteiger had the shits leading into the game and damaged the bogs something dreadful just prior to kick-off which left them all a little dazed and confused.
TheBounce: But surely you couldn’t have known about that?
Paul: That guy is famous for stripping the paint off changing room walls prior to matches. They all had bunny chows the night before – it was inevitable. As for the rest of the games, I felt Ghana would always be a little too overawed to win (point proven again on Friday), those useless Poms were always going to get thrashed with the tired talent Cappello dribbled onto the field and then the Argie game, well let’s just say Maradona isn’t that hot at teaching structure and discipline – against a team like Germany they didn’t stand a chance.
TheBounce: So do you think Germany have this World Cup in the bag now?
Paul: I’m not telling you that you cheeky git, I’m milking all the press I can get with this so I will leave it until the last minute before I make any predictions.
TheBounce: What are your plans after the World Cup? You going to stay in sport or take your talents elsewhere?
Paul: Well I have had various T.V offers which I’m currently considering. Sepp Blatter wants to incorporate me into FIFA, something about starting a sports betting section or something. That guy is dodgier than a Turkish prostitute though so I think I will steer well clear of him. Keen to get into cricket, those Indians are offering me stupid money for this thing called the IPL, we’ll see.
Well Paul thanks so much for spending some time with us on TheBounce, you have been a great feature of this World Cup and your story of how you got here has been marvelously entertaining.
Be sure to keep a look out for his next prediction and see if he keeps backing Germany all the way to the final. It is individuals like Paul who we love on TheBounce, he is truly someone that makes sport great.