The final instalment of our 2011 review and it is onto the individuals who stood out. More specifically the players and nobs of the year, the guys that impressed and the guys that infuriated. We all have our own heroes and villains, and this year we sure were exposed to more than enough to justify an entire piece to them.

drum roll...

Let’s get started with the good guys.

Incredible year for an incredible player.

Players of the year.

Novak Djokovic

Winner of Wimbledon, the Australian Open and the US Open all in one year, Novak has grabbed both Nadal and Federer by the balls and made them both step back this year. The great Pete Sampras himself said that Novak’s season this year was the best in the history of the game – that’s enough to put him in our player of the year bracket.

Luke Donald

No.1 in Europe, No.1 in America and No.1 in the World – Luke is the best there is right now. Still no Major title to add to those accolades, but Luke just doesn’t finish outside of the first couple pages of the leaderboard. And unlike a previous world leader of the game, he isn’t a nob and is universally enjoyed by all.

Charl Schwartzel

From the World’s best golfer to South Africa’s best golfer, 27 year old Charl Schwartzel has well and truly cemented himself as the best there is south of the Limpopo. With his maiden Major victory at the Masters, Charl showed that his game can drill anyone at anytime, and he alone makes me excited for the 2012 season.

Francois Hougaard

I think you will agree there is something special about this guy. His electrifying performances at the Rugby World Cup were such that people were calling for Fourie du Preez to get the flick. He is the next great Bok no.9, but he could just as easily do the same job on the wing. Limited game time in 2011, but 2012 will be all his which will put him in this list again this time next year.

Schalk Burger

Schalk isn’t yet 30, but nobody would begrudge him getting a lifetime achievement award already. The unsung hero of the failed World Cup campaign, a standout star in the Super 15 and just the most dependable guy in SA rugby, Schalk is and always will be a player’s player and rightfully received the SA player of the year award in 2011.

Hashim Amla

I had the pleasure of meeting and briefly interviewing the great man this year. He made such an incredible impression on me that even if he were to receive a first baller every time he batted since, he would still be on this list. Of course he is one of the best in the business with a piece of willow in hand and continues to top the ICC rankings with his amazing skill and determination.

Dale Steyn

Another legend I was lucky enough to meet, another who is firmly the best in what he does. Dale goes from strength to strength as the world’s best fast bowler, and the fact that he is without doubt the most impressive character you will ever have the pleasure of meeting just adds to his Player status.

Nobs of the year.

Floyd Mayweather

What a nob, what a giant, self absorbed, arrogant and common nob. This guy is to boxing what a shark attack is to an idyllic island honeymoon. Of course he has always been an absolute nob, but this year he really took his nobbishness to a new height. His cheap shot knockout of Victor Ortiz was disgraceful and cowardly, but press play if you need some more evidence of why he is such a giant nob.

Serena Williams

Introducing the Floyd Mayweather of women’s tennis – Serena Megatron Williams. What a nob. Yes, I know she is a woman (sort of), but the nob classification transcends the sexes and purely narrows in on those that have been an embarrassment to sport this year. Again, press play for further evidence.

Tiger Woods

Wow it busts my balls when people say ‘Tiger is back’. No he isn’t, and even if he is, who cares. The guy is the biggest turd sandwich in the world and easily slides into the nob bracket of this post. After what he did and the mockery he made of marriage and family values, this schmuck then has the audacity to hold press conferences saying how he has changed and apologises for his actions. Save it you nob, you apologise for accidents, knocking up prostitutes, deceiving millions and abusing fame is not something you can just apologise for. If he was half the ‘player’ he thought he was, he would just accept what a shit he is and go with it, but this hallmark comeback stuff is bollocks and is a dreadful dirty mark on the game of golf. I’m not a malicious person, but I do look forward to him failing in future tournaments, and watching this nob implode while he does.

Kyle Mills

Kyle ‘the waterboy’ Mills is a piss poor medium pacer from New Zealand with a face like a dropped pizza and hair that even Kenny G would have shaved off by now. This dreadful drip of a person decided to grab the spotlight during the ICC World Cup quarter final match between South Africa and New Zealand, by running onto the field during the crucial run out of AB de Villiers which was essentially the turning point in the match. His job just to hydrate his team mates, Mills then got all up in Faf Du Plessis’ grill with verbal abuse which was quite frankly disgusting. You don’t expect nob behaviour like this in cricket, least of all from the waterboy. Congratulations Kyle Mills, you may be a complete and utter failure in life, but you have won yourself a place in our nob of the year category.

Dan Vickerman

What a nob. A Bishops boy who grew up in Cape Town then moved over to the greener pastures of Australialand. Now I never have a problem with guys choosing an alternative path in life, someone like Dan especially as he was never going to be good enough to play international rugby as a Bok. But what makes you a nob is when you then turn so drastically on the players from your homeland by trying to be the biggest Aussie going and reminding everyone of it ( the Clyde Rathbone Syndrome ). Even that doesn’t make him a big enough nob for this list though, but his out and out targeting of Heinrich Brussow in the World Cup quarters leaves me no choice but to name him amongst the nobs of the year. Amongst all the attention that Bryce Lawrence gained during the game, Vickerman’s off the ball antics towards our pivotal fetcher was the difference for me as the nob succeeded in sending him off the field injured. Bryce was completely shit on the day, we know this, but if we had Heinrich for 80, I don’t think it would have mattered. Well done Dan, a hero amongst the convicts, a nob right here though.

Kevin Pietersen

Creating a nob of the year selection and not including KP is like serving a pizza without cheese. KP has had bigger years in the nob stakes, but he still managed to impress this year on a world nob scale. His comments on Twitter after the Boks loss in the Rugby World Cup sum him up really. He jumped on the band wagon of pricks rubbing it in, only in true KP style, he just managed to make himself look like an even bigger nob. As I said to him at the time, he just tries too hard, nobs generally do. And by trying too hard it just shows what a nob he is and I’m pretty sure he knows it too.

Ali Williams

What a nob. Such a nob that he doesn’t actually need to be talked up any more than that. He does all his talking up himself anyway…

Western Province administrators

What on earth are these guys doing nowadays? I’ve seen Tik addicts covert normality better than these guys do local talent. They retain an over the hill Habana but shed Sadie and Engelbrecht, two amazing young backs who will now make their traditional rivals, the Bulls, that much stronger. They don’t seem to ever want to address the Achilles heel which is the tight 5 and seem more than happy to just keep things the way they have always been despite the opportunity of greatness being closer than ever. What a bunch of nobs.

David Haye

He makes Lennox Lewis wait like a tool outside of his dressing room while he plays some camp disco track, he then comes into the ring where he is completely out boxed by Klitschko to which he then proceeds to blame a broken toe for making him lose. You’re a nob David Haye, you were never good enough and you just blew smoke out of your arse for every second that you had the limelight to.

Graeme Smith

I’m not a Graeme Smith hater per say, but he makes it into nob of the year purely on this point: Do you think that he would have gone to Ireland after the World Cup if the Proteas had won? Of course not. He’s a nob.

Time to WIN some BEER!

Djokovic and Mayweather are my duo of player and nob of the year. Who stands out as your player / nob of the year?

Below is our winning submission:

I have to agree with your suggested nominations Ben, but as a huge World Rally Championship fan, my player (driver) of the year is none other than the mercurial Sébastien Loeb. Arguably the greatest driver the world has ever seen, eclipsing even the great MSC, he has now won his eighth consecutive World Championship – beating Schumi’s seven.

A very close second for player (sportsman) of the year has to go to Kelly Slater for winning his 11th World Surfing Championship.

It is tempting to nominate Dale Deeb (dweeb?) as the nob of the year. He dropped an easy catch off Dale Steyn as a subsitute, which ultimately denied Steyn the opportunity to equal Dennis Lillee in being the fastest to 250 Test wickets. Against the Aussies nogal! A record that stands since 1971. But ag shame, these things happen, we all make mistakes. I do know that Steyn has mentioned earlier this year that he doesn’t much care for statistics – that can only be a good thing for Deeb.

Without doubt, my nob of the year award must go to Samoa’s Eliota Fuimaono Sapolu. What a tool. Despite the fact that the Samoans got up to so much off-the-ball ‘mischief’ in their final RWC game against the Boks, he still felt compelled to then accuse Welsh referee Nigel Owens of ‘bias and racism’. Earlier he compared Samoa’s match schedule to ‘slavery, apartheid and the holocaust’. Seriously dude, concentrate on your rugby and stay out of politics. It’s not your strong suit.

Well played Clydesta, our 5th and final winner of our 2011 in review series.

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