Posts Tagged ‘the beautiful game’

Time for refs to start taking control of football.

Written by The Editor on . Posted in Features, Football

Football is such a great game to get involved with. The rules are simple, the speed is fast and passion from the players right through to the endless supporter bases is endless. This 2010 World Cup has converted many a person and I myself have gone from not bothered to borderline fanatical about the game.

Football provides sporting ecstacy like no other.

One problem though, football players have absolutely no respect for authority and bring the game into disrepute through various forms of deception and play acting. It is a full on cancer that plagues the sport and seems to be becoming as big a part of the game as kicking and running. So often an entertaining flowing game is brought to a stand still by some prick acting like his leg has just been invaded by fire ants or that his knee has just been shattered by a jackhammer, when the replay clearly shows that a stray opposition lace merely brushed an advancing sock. But this is of course an old argument and we have all had a good dig about this in the past.

One of the few times when it is okay for a guy to dive.

If you have a problem with something it only makes sense that you have a solution to pair with your argument. So here goes, TheBounce’s simple two step guide to hardening football the fuck up and making the refs take control:

He wouldn’t take a dive – neither should you.

-         Ball stays in play unless someone is literally knocked unconscious.

A faggy footballer takes a tumble, rolls round and makes out like he is destine to a life confined to a wheel chair, and the ball then gets kicked out of play. Medical attention comes on, and within moments the prick is up and running again like nothing has happened. If the ball stays in play and the player taking the piss by faking an injury becomes a disadvantage to his team by lying on the floor, he will soon get up pretty sharpish. How often have you seen a guy stretchered off in football and he doesn’t return? Like never… If the guy is really hurt you can normally tell anyway, he isn’t rolling around!

Diving in the Olympics – the real place for it.

-         Referees to carry mace spray

Next time you watch a game of football, count how many times you see players and coaching staff throwing their hands up in disbelief. You will lose count before the ref breaks a sweat. These guys bitch about everything and all this bitching is primarily aimed at the man with the whistle. He takes shit all game and this then encourages these guys into running wild with the play acting and theatrics. Give the ref mace however and suddenly these guys will get on with things and jump into line in a heartbeat. Can you imagine a ref giving a guy a yellow card and when four guys surround him in protest he maces their asses, chance of there being any further protest in the game will be slimmer than the I.Q of a footballer’s wife.

With a can of mace this would be a very different picture.

Okay maybe mace is a bit strong, but player insolence towards the refs needs to be eliminated to bring integrity to the game and get these guys behaving like men. Ref awards a free kick and it is contested, simply take a leaf out of rugby’s fine book, that will be another 10 yards back against the potty mouthed player. Suddenly an innocent free kick turns into a goal scoring opportunity.

That’s right – jog on knobhead.

I appreciate that there is a great deal at stake in football especially with all the money in it. This pressure often weighs heavily on the refs who then get manipulated by the players. Implement these simple measures however and the power will be in the right place and the players will focus on simply playing the game, not the situations. Then football really will be the beautiful game for us all to enjoy.

Enjoy the clip below.



The beautiful game – not so much.

Written by The Editor on . Posted in Features, Football

We hear the phrase “the beautiful” game mentioned quite often when passionate footballists talk about their favourite sport. It doesn’t take a seasoned follower to find that this is a contradiction in terms though as football is for the large part, not very beautiful at all. I have compiled a few pictures to illustrate this.

I have heard of guys taking the piss before, but seriously, actually having a piss on the field!!! This Ivory Coast player at least had the decency to relieve himself outside of the central kick off circle thingy though – still not very beautiful. Linesman really should have his flag up for this…

Perhaps the beauty comes in with how the players interact on the pitch, and how they pit their unique skills against each other creating an energetic tango of individualism and graceful poise…

…ah, not so much. He appears to be doing something improper with the other man’s bottom. Judging by his facial expression you do tend to get the impression that his actions are far from beautiful. But maybe he is just a rare rotten apple.

No, it seems that behaviour is rather common. Or perhaps he is looking for something, the refs whistle perhaps? oh wait, i don’t think we should go down that path. Trying to find beauty here.

Yes beauty, ah, maybe it is in the eye of the proverbial holder or in this case the thruster. When gymnasts and beach volleyball players warm up – the word beauty comes to mind. If this is how footballers warm up then I think we need to find a different area to find this elusive beauty.

Beautiful ? Maybe in the field of transvestite theatre. What on earth is this guy doing? If this is how he acts on the pitch just imagine the fun and games that take place in the showers afterwards!

Maybe the beauty is in the interactions between fans and players.

Once again we fall short. I have heard of man love and the slackening boundaries in this field but full frontal male nudity is not really that appropriate and/or beautiful. At least this resulted in a handshake and not the usual role on the floor or jumping on the shoulders routine!

This last photo simply is not even comment worthy. I have failed miserably in finding how football is the beautiful game. Perhaps the definition of beauty needs to be reconsidered by football fanatics.